Gamer Girl Gets Thin

{October 11, 2010}   On functioning

Oh hello there! I have a blog! Isn’t that lovely?

The last few weeks have been incredibly full and required so much focus. It’s taken all I’ve had in me to get the things I NEED to done, let alone the things I want to. One really wonderful thing I discovered, though, is that health and fitness-y things have found their way into both columns of the list.

While work has dominated the need list and a clean house has moved to a simple want; I’ve managed to make it to most of my regular gym things and have desperately needed the de-stressing that comes with it. And I’ve managed not to fall!! Huzzah! Yay for showing more coordination!

My weight loss has been limited, at best, in the last few weeks. I’m not sure the reasons behind that except that I think I haven’t been as disciplined in food as I like to pretend I am. I’m still really struggling to remember that food and feelings are not the same thing. Also, I think my body doesn’t lose as well when I’m stressed. We’ll see how it goes when I get some chance to rest and get back on track.

Tomorrow is a day for resting and pulling life back together after weeks of busy. I should be back to some regular posting (and hopefully the entertaining kind!) on Wednesday.

In the meantime, I just have to say that I’m pleased with how my life patterns are changing. I was really excited to look back on the last couple of weeks and realize that while I was reduced, largely, to just basic functioning outside of work, my work out schedule has become a part of that basic functioning. That is very good news, indeed!

xs and os!


{September 29, 2010}   P.S.

Fable 3 drops in 27 days and I couldn’t be more excited!!!!!!!!

It’s seriously going to be incredible.  These are probably my fave RPGs. I need to pre-order a copy or something…

This Intro is so great:

I think I’m going to pick up 2 again and re-play it before 3 drops. SO EXCITED.

Apparently today is the day I blog about things I want.

{September 29, 2010}   Dance Pants

I had a huge realization this week. Gym is totally my hobby. I feel like I’ve got this personality quirk where I can’t ever just like a thing to a normal degree. For the most part, especially stuff I do regularly, I either don’t care at all about the thing (cooking, cleaning, gym, fashion, hair, you name it) or I’m totally obsessed. Gym has reached the obsessed/hobby point.

I feel like I’ve especially turned a corner on my dance class. Yes, I still dance like Big Bird. The change, really, is that I’ve stopped caring. It’s just so fun. And I’m much better than I used to be. My instructor, Jennie, says that to feel better in my ability, what I really need is some flat bottomed shoes (functional: you can turn and slide better) and some good dance pants (totally just about looking and therefore feeling the part).

So I’m on the hunt for some pieces that would be functional, cute (yeah I want to look cute while I do that and no I don’t have a reason) and reasonably price. But then I found these….

I know, it’s small. Here’s the link. The most expensive and adorable dance pants in the world. But! If I got them, I would never need another pair!

I’ve turned into someone who wants dance pants. I keep telling myself it’s like having different gear for different kinds of encounters (raiding gear, pvp, etc.). I’m not sure that DH would agree…. Maybe if I tell him that these pants include like +10 agility and +5 speed to regular gym pants?

{September 27, 2010}   Upgrades!

Last week, I made a huge leap in gear. I upgraded my shoes! I even went the great length of spending some time at the local running store getting my step and stance analyzed to get the best shoes. I think I made a good choice.

Of course, in typical form for me… I followed a good decision with a terrible one. The first time I wore said shoes, it was to my super hard cardio class that, as you may remember, leaves me looking and feeling like this:

While I thought ‘YES NEW SHOES!’ My feet thought ‘Are you broken in your brain space?’

It turns out that new shoes probably need to be broken in and worn a bit. I learned this the hard way. First, there was the numbness from having tied them too tight. Then there was some arch sadness from the amazing support that now needs to form to my feet a bit. But I re-tied, adjusted and powered through these things! THEN! Oh then… at the end of class, when we were supposed to be doing this:

My shoes gave up on me. And I got to do this:

That’s right! Instead of kicking, I found myself falling! Huzzah! As a near professional in the fine art of being clumsy, I jumped back up and got back into class almost immediately. Which, apparently, was greatly amazing to the girls who saw me fall.

As it stands, the score is:

New shoes- 1

Jenn- 0

Not to worry, though, class is coming around and I’ll totally win this time!!

{September 20, 2010}   Alive!

Check it out! I’m not dead! Did you miss me?!

Last week was one of my two busiest times of the year at work- lots of long days and running around and doing my very best to keep my stress minimal enough that I maintain control over my volume and sarcasm. For the most part, I did okay.

I feel like one of my fatal flaws when I’m stressed is that I forget to pay close attention to my tone and volume when I’m talking to people.

What I mean to say: “Could you have that to me by Tuesday, please?”

What I actually say: “I NEED THAT BY TUESDAY!”

It probably looked something like this comic from The Oatmeal

But you know, it all worked out and went just fine and everyone seems happy. My friends are still my friends, the folks I was working so hard for were complimentary and incredibly wonderful to be around.

I’ve never been so glad to see Saturday; which I happily spent in my pj’s gorging my brain on Veronica Mars. Oh how I love Netflix. It’s totally encouraging and feeding my adoration for crappy television.

{September 10, 2010}   Bugging Out!

As anyone who knows me RL is aware, this is one of my two busiest seasons in the year at work. I’m pretty much running non stop and by this time next week, it is likely that I will literally be running. Everywhere I go. This is the second round of this crazy for me (the other one is in March) and I’m honestly looking forward to it.

Personally, I’m really looking forward to the challenge of maintaining a healthy life while I’m so busy. I’ll be surrounded by the types of things I haven’t eaten in months and will be that kind of busy where a trip to the drive thru doesn’t just sound delicious, it sounds perfectly easy enough. I’m not going to give in though. That’s my goal. Keep working toward living life full of healthy and real foods, remember that I feel better when I’m eating well and when I can, hit the gym to de-stress. This is going to be great!

In a really exciting twist, a co-worker just loaned me their old Body Bugg! I am sooo excited. Technology! I’ve only been using it for a couple of days, I’ll let you know what I think when I have a better feel. So far though, I’m stoked!

Have a great weekend, all!

xs and os

{September 7, 2010}   Ambitions

I’m trying to figure out what my long term goals in fitness are. I keep feeling like I need to start thinking beyond weight loss and into what I want in the long-run. The thing is, I don’t have any ideas. Can just being fit and working out be a goal enough in itself? I’m such a goal oriented person that I feel like I need to have some thing I’m working toward.

I think this is magnified by the copious amounts of Sims3 I played over the weekend. My Sims are seriously ambitious people. They keep wanting these crazy goals and one of them wanted this: (It’s a long explanation if you don’t play as to how lifetime wishes are selected but, this Sim wanted this as a lifetime wish so many times that I eventually just set it for him)

Seeking personal perfection through rigorous mental and physical training is a noble goal that guarantees a lifetime of challenge. Your Sim may one day stand on the peak of physical Sim achievement, but not without much sweat and mental strain.

In a dream world, I am this awesome. I have some long term fitness goal of playing a sport or becoming really awesome at something or getting certified to train or or or or….

Realistically? I have no idea. I really don’t like sports (not even college football when I live three blocks away from the University that just won). I don’t really see myself getting into martial arts or running marathons or doing triathalons. It’s just not who I am.

For now, I’m focusing on my current ambition: Keep getting in better shape, get down to a healthy weight/size, enjoy being fit. Beyond that, I have no idea but am open to suggestions!

{September 1, 2010}   The Importance of Inflection

I hit up my dance class last night, like you do. And, of course, it was an evening set up for success. The class was packed, it was a night with a lot of choreography (I like to call choreography simply “moves I can’t do) and I was standing directly in the middle of the room.  Being in the middle means that I, and everyone in the class, can see me from every angle thanks to the mirrors on the walls. Also, it means that I’m standing in just the right spot so  that people from outside the class can see me, and my angles, through the glass door. YAY! Set up for success!

Anyway, so there I am, doing my best. Our wonderful instructor, Jennie, was super excited yesterday and kept encouraging us all that even if we thought we were dancing “big” she wanted us to dance “bigger.” I felt a lot like this:

But, you know, whatever. That’s pretty much how I always feel when I’m in the class. My expectation and reality of my movements never quite line up. But I plugged along anyway, happily dancing and doing my best to replicate what the moves Jennie was making look so effortless and beautiful.

What you need to know at this point: Thanks to my lovely friend and gym buddy, Rachel, I’ve actually started getting to know the instructors at the classes I frequent. She talks to them fairly often and has introduced me to them so now Jennie and I are on a first name basis. I can’t look at her with that terrified “DON’T CALL ON ME!” expression that you have in any class where you fear the teacher might single you out. Now Jennie and I are friends.  We talk. I like her, she pretends to like and not be embarrassed by me.

So halfway through the class, I was doing something that resembled this:

And Jennie says “Way to go, Jenn!”

In that moment, I was elated that she was excited about what I was doing. Then I thought ‘Wait. Did she mean I should go? Because really, I’m pretty sure I’m throwing off the groove of the whole class here. Yeah, I’ll go. She’s right.’ Luckily, she followed the way to go with a smile so I knew we were cool. And my dancing confidence grew just a little.

Big Bird, ho!

P.S. Those  comics are stolen from this hilarious post by Allie at Hyperbole and a Half. Really, that entire thing sums up a lot about me, especially my sweet dancing skills. Go read her whole blog. It’s hysterical.

{August 30, 2010}   Weekend of Extremes

This weekend was totally extremes for me. On Friday I thought “I’m going to go straight from work to the gym and then make myself a healthy dinner!” Instead I went home and ate an entire bag of popcorn. It was delicious. I did make it to the gym- where I did on my toes push-ups on a bench! For even harder pushing up! It was awesome! Then I ate a burrito.

Saturday morning I woke up and thought “Ugh I shouldn’t have eaten that burrito! I know! I’ll go the gym!” So I went to my favorite class where I worked harder than ever and had to use my face towel to dry out my ponytail. It was awesome. Then, because I had worked so hard, I laid on my couch and did nothing for 6 hours.

I didn’t even pretend to be healthy yesterday- I ate pancakes for lunch and Panda Express for dinner. The thing is, I really don’t regret. I stayed within my calorie intake and watched my portions of both things. I don’t eat them regularly (that was the first time I’ve had Panda in well over two years)  and it was nice to just be.

I AM turning into my extremes Sim! Extreme gym! Extreme lazy! Extreme eat things!

Oooh in other news: It’s almost time for some extreme buying new pants! When I was getting ready for work this morning, I pulled my favorite slacks out of the dryer only to find that, even fresh washed, they are far too large. Like the only thing that held them up all day at work was that my undershirt was tucked into them. While it’s sad because I love these slacks and hate having to buy new ones, I can’t think of better Monday news!

{August 25, 2010}   With Thanks to Susan

I’ve been noticing all of these billboards all over my city recently- ads for weight loss support, weight loss surgery, weight loss counseling, etc. Every time I see one, I get a little more frustrated- not only with how slow it can feel to reach my goals but also that those things sort of look like cheats to me. Like if I had all of that at my fingertips, I would be super thin too!

The thing is, getting fit is something people do daily. A lot of the time, it seems like the people I know or hear about who have achieved significant weight loss (and maintained it) just woke up one morning and decided “I’m not going to be fat any more. Today is the day.” And then they changed their patterns, started exercising and eating healthy and they did it.

Sadly, that’s totally not me. The process has been slow and, in a lot of ways, I’ve had to trick myself into this.  I don’t have the discipline or motivation on my own to reach my goals. So what do I have? I have an amazing support system and a huge hate for failing. My answer to this problem was and is to tell absolutely everyone I know that I’m trying to lose weight and get healthy. Really, that’s what prompted me to first begin blogging. If all of my friends, family and co-workers are watching my progress, I’m motivated. Add the potential of the whole internet? I’m SUPER motivated. I’ve never been so motivated. And you know what? It’s totally working.

I had this really sweet moment yesterday where I was chatting with a friend (Hi Susan!) about what I’ll wear during some large meetings we have in the next month at work. I mentioned these slacks I really want to wear but they are just a little too tight- they’re wearable for sure but not super comfortable. I’m still looking at this like it’s old me- the me that might make progress but is more likely to skip gym and eat popcorn instead. My friend though, she only knows the me of recent months so she said “The great thing is that you’ve got three weeks so they’ll fit perfect by then.” She is absolutely confident in my abilities to reach my goals; she’s more confident than I am. (By the way, I love her for this.)

Encouragement is so important in reaching your goals, whatever they are. For me, it’s to reach a healthy weight by January 1. I want to start 2011 fit and working toward something new, instead of the same old resolutions. To get there, though, I have to find a system that works- for me, it’s making sure that everyone I know is included in my process; knowing that they are there to encourage me and that I would hate to disappoint them. Yes, there are a million other pieces parts that go into a process that works and is sustainable. But for me, telling everyone has been such a huge step.

et cetera